Oh…Mr. Oxford, please come back

I guess my fellow paparazzis would be mad at me for expressing this in this blog, but...but...I have to confess it, I’ve been holding back tooo long…. I..
I… miss Mr. Oxford... Booohoooooo…. I miss him so much, I miss getting bored; miss witnessing that community masturbation, miss skipping my breakfast and cursing him left and right, miss that marvellous feeling of relief of rushing to the loo after his class to relieve all that pent up pee …but most of all I…I miss getting pissed off. Even the unending lousy jokes of Lilly, the repulsive food and ass-licking habits of Scum, and the Stuffed owl’s ogling fail to inspire that exquisite pleasure of getting royally pissed off that only Oxford could do. He perfected the art of making people pissed off in a way that none of the other’s could do. And now… he’s laid up sick, with an incurable disease [I have already composed a song to sing at his funeral which I’d be posting soon and E.C is planning to put a dictionary into his tomb, such a thoughtful act !].
All his weekly classes have been cancelled until further news. The last I heard is that he actually recommended Scum as the next boss, because of scum’s hard work, dedication, and excellent editing skills and his brilliant ass –licking expertise!! Oh... How I miss his apparent partiality, venomous backbiting, and his enthusiastic knack for ruining every one’s life around him. And his repulsive way of leering at all women !
Of- course my dear Mr. Oxford, though others might not understand, I can understand you perfectly… your frustration, insecurity and your thirst for power and your desperate longing to get laid, and the fact that even though you are only around 50 you look and act like a 90 year old with piles. Oh, and I also know that you are trying to hide your secret ASD {Attention Seeking Disorder} problem. Dear Oxford, don’t you realize that half the people here suffer from the same problem – Especially Lilly, who seem to have got a particularly brutal form of it? And I also know that you have so many things to hide sweet heart... And I know that you are ready to sell your soul to retain the position bestowed upon you by some brain- dead superior, whom you have influenced in your slimy sneaky way.
Even your physical disability cannot be helped sweetie… you don’t have to hide it behind your faked up intellectual look and that sad looking beard. Lack of spine is a common deficiency that I have observed here, so your spinelessness will not be easily detected. Moreover since all your chums here are trying to hide their spinelessness under various forms of disguise, they would be too busy to notice you. And darling… your beard is highly unbecoming; it doesn’t give you that intellectual look which you are desperately trying to cultivate, but if you shave it off, your face [I’m sorry to say] resembles a baboon’s backside. I think the best thing that you can do my lil’ sugar dimples, is to put a nice big sack over your head with two hole for the eyes. That nauseating multi-coloured bag that you often bring ,full of big books, will suit you nicely. ( to be continued)

- The Shoddy Sub-Editor