Will you walk into my parlour?

I would be failing in my duty as an evidently pissed off paparazzi if i do not mention other special features of this place, apart from its mindboggling variety of arseholes.
This place can take pride in having a lavatory that is desired by all. It is a dream destination for every one working here. So much so that it is permanently occupied. Certain people refrain from answering nature's call in their own homes and save it all up for the loo here. Like this particular staff, Lady Loo, who is the guardian angel of the lavatory. She would guard the loo, like a lioness would her cub. She would be on the prowl to see who is planning to visit the loo and the moment someone goes near the door, she runs in and slams the door on their face. Just in case that person outwits her in the race, she bangs the door until it gives away at the hinges. This blog pays its warmest tribute to this wonderful Muse, who with her obsession with peeing has inspired us to excercise greater control on our bladders.
Grapevine has it that efforts are on to beautify the premises of the lavatory. Probably fit in a few more commodes to satisfy the ever-growing demand of the staff, especially, Lady Loo.
Then comes the pantry. A quaint name at that. But, stinks like a rotting corpse. One would find delightful little lunch bags in bright yellow, green and orange colours, with pictures of mickey mouse, goofy and whatever comic characters are in vogue now. The proud owners of these bags,
Mr.Lily, the Monarch of all he surveys, and Ms.Big B (who will be discussed in detail in this blog soon.) "Such a lovely place indeed!," one would exclaim just before blacking out into the longest of fainting spells.
Last,but not the least, we have the attenders whose voices act like instant laxatives. (actually, it loosens up your bowels). They scream away in their supersonic voices even if they are standing so close to each other that their noses touch. Such darlings!
Oh yes, this would be incomplete without the mention of Mr. Escapee. A Good Samaritan to the core. It is needless to say that his desire to help people can rival even Baba Amte (who the hell is Baba Amte? never mind...some social worker is all i wanted to say). I, on behalf of my co-authors hereby swear that we would erect a statue for Mr.Escapee and decorate it with a garland of dead crows, to express our gratitude for the invaluable help he has extended to each one of us.
Ok ma, so thats all for now.