For the benefit of all the unfortunate paparazzis who missed Mr.Oxford's classes this week.Excerpts from the session.
To a packed classroom sailed Mr.Oxford gaily (by the way, he is GAY), showing all his wonderfully brushed teeth. The little fair pig, emitting short shrieks of anticipation, sat facing Oxford, his small ears, all pricked up.Ms.Big B had a sombre air about her. Might have been meditating over the free community lunch that was to follow after the classes.Then a few enthusiastic journos pulled out papers and pens to jot down the pearls of wisdom.
Mr. Oxford (MO): Now, tell me, the shoddy subeditor, how would you approach a colleague who has bad body odour? a) wear a mask b) spray hit on him/her c) grow a pair of antennae on your head so that the colleague's movements can be sensed from a distance d) none of the above.
Shoddy Subeditor (SS): (silently swearing) Probably go on a picnic.
MO: Hmm...interesting answer, Mr. Lilli, what tactic would you adopt?
Lilli (L) : I would first spary hit on him/her and then subject him/her to a few of my stories. That should do the trick. (satisfied chuckle followed by uproarious laughter from the rest of the class.)
MO: Okay, okay, rrright. Now, how would you tell your boss who doesn't wear underwear that he probably must wear one? Tell me, the perpetual thinker. Here are your choices. a) send him an SMS b) Tell his neighbours, parents, wife, children that he doesnt wear underwear c) Organise a peep show d) Avoid him.
Perpetual Thinker (PT): Uhh...gasp...gulp...question pass.
MO: The Snob, would you like to answer this question?
The Snob (TS): (Nose held high in the air, answering confidently) I would talk about underwears- the size, quality, texture and the advantages of wearing one. I would also tell him what kind of underwear I use. Tight ones with little holes for air conditioning. He would sure be inspired to use one then.
MO: Bravo Bravo! Three cheers for TS! hip hip underwear!
At this point, the Ms.B is awakened from her reverie and pitches whole heartedly into the discussion.
Big B: Sir, one could even try this. Ask the boss to write a story on the disadvantages of not wearing underwear. A proper feature. With pictures and infoboxes. (grins widely). He could also give tips for readers.
MO: My my, what a wonderful response. Except SS and PT, every one else has given amazing answers.
So, I hereby declare that the award for the employee of the week goes to ..(any guesses?)..
As a gesture of encouragement, the office would be gifting her a set of underwear.